when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
