I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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