next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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