they need to just BURY HIM!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
