I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
