My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
