he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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