did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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