she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
In America we eat man semen.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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