I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize