Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
