I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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