i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
