the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
