So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
