that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
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