Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
