Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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