Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
