i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
