respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
