im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
