In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my being single is dangerous.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
