too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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