ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
