If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
