he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize