She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's a Shit stain on my heart
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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