do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize