Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
