yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need water and some morals
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
