Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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