you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
