i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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