i permit you to call me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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