If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
