well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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