how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
