i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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