I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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