I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
