Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize