No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think my moral compass just broke
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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