I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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