Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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