Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Please don't give away my fajitas
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
