haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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