Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
