What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize