His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
