somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
