Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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