you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
