I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
