she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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