I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
