he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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