Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
