Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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