Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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