saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
