you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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