remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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