I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
