The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
