ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
